Hello blogging world, guess who is back?
In my last blog post for 2017 I indicated that I was taking a break from the blog and it was the best decision ever. At the end of 2017, I was physically and emotionally tired, 2017 took A LOT from me including me having to relocate back home to Zimbabwe and at the time of the decision, it really crushed me.
Moving back home was one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I had lived in Melbourne for all my adult life having moved there for uni straight after high school. Just the thought of giving up everything in Melbourne made me incredibly sad and depressed, I was giving up my independence to going back to being under my parents roof and being an adult with a disability in your parents house is not easy at all. I thought of all the things I could do for myself in Melbourne such as using public transport, I only ever asked for a ride whenever it was necessary now here I was going back to having to depend on other people for transport. It honestly felt like going backwards in life. Zimbabwe is not a conducive environment for people with disabilities, it is a tough world for survival. In the first few weeks that I was back, I loved blogging. There wasn’t a difference at all but somewhere along the way I realised I was lying to myself, I no longer enjoyed blogging. In fact the thought of writing made me sick so hence I stopped 3 months ago. I was just not in a good space to write and I felt my posts lacked the substance that I would have liked them to have.
At this point the plan was to delete my blog and all my social media accounts and just go underground and pretend I didn’t exist…well clearly that did not last as here I am writing again. LOL You can ever run away from destiny, now can you? So what has changed if you may ask? Two things in the last few weeks were the game changers for me. Firstly my 30th birthday and being celebrated my different people on Twitter last week. I need to do a separate post for my 30th because it was that AMAZING!!!!
I hadn’t been on Twitter in a long time. I logged on last week Tuesday and next thing you know I see tweets being celebrated by different women in the lead up to International Women’s Day.
I cannot even begin to express how much those four tweets meant to me. I was so humbled! Here I was thinking that I had no impact, that my blog had no impact next thing you know these amazing women are celebrating me. It was exactly what I needed to motivate me to not only continue with the blog but to continue pushing in my advocacy work. You see when I moved back home I found myself in this unfamiliar place of “what does this move mean for my blog?” I generally felt that there were more opportunities for my blog in Melbourne than in Zim but boy was I wrong. What I have come to accept in the last few weeks is that Zimbabwe represents different opportunities for my blog that did not exist in Melbourne but this is not to say these opportunities will come as easy as the Melbourne ones, definitely not but this is when I have to keep pushing and fighting. So those four tweets weren’t just tweets for me, it was the get up and fight motivation that I needed at a time when I was questioning a lot of things about my blog.
Obviously leaving Melbourne meant that I had to give up certain dreams that I had for my blog but I am excited that I have been dreaming new dreams for my blog. It scares me because I don’t know how I will achieve them but are they really dreams if they don’t scare you? At the same time I am excited at the thought of getting started on at least one of those dreams. If they succeeded they succeed and if they tank then that’s ok too. The key for me is to step out of fear and step into faith and watch God do the impossible with these dreams cause heaven knows at this point, they feel impossible.