Life, Zimbabwe Disability

Would You Date Or Marry A Person With A Disability?

Three weeks ago I ran a Twitter poll asking “Would you date or marry a person with a disability?” My curiosity was sparked after watching a documentary about devotees. (Devotism/attraction to disability is a sexualised interest in the appearance, sensation and experience of disability)-I’ll write about this soon.

Responses from Twitter.

“If you’re in love why not?”

“I see no problem with it when two people are in agreement and in love.”

“Depends on what the disability is but yes.”

“Thought provoking.”

“It depends with the kind of disability.”

“Disability does not mean inability so there is nothing wrong.”

“I have dated someone with a disability.”

“Yes. And if someone with I love ends up disabled, I’d like to think I’ll still ride for them.”

“I would say yes because love is love. Love has no boundaries of conditions but it’s sad for me to say it depends on what disability it is. For someone who has MS for example or Parkinson’s it’s going to be hard and that will have a toll on the relationship. But if you’re that person you really can look after them and I’m talking look after them without complaining then God bless you.”

Nick and Kanae Vujicic Source : http://viola.bz/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Nick-Vujicic-summer-2015.jpg
Nick and Kanae Vujicic
Source : http://viola.bz/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Nick-Vujicic-summer-2015.jpg

Responses from people with disabilities.

I asked some of my fellow PWDs (people with disabilities) and this what they said….

“If it was God’s will then yes, if not because I know how hard it is to have a disability and have people discriminate against you. Who would protect in such cases when we both need help?”

“I have to be realistic with myself. There are so many things that I cannot do on my own because of my disability. Now if I marry someone with a disability who would help who? I can’t drive, I don’t know if I will ever be able to, how would we do simple things like grocery shopping? It would be great because you’re with someone who understands your struggles but it is not practical for me.”

“I wouldn’t date a lady with a disability because I also need assistance so that would make our relationship tricky, expensive and less private if we get a helper. I have dated women with all kinds of disabilities and it’s a beautiful thing but it also gets overwhelming when you both can’t do certain things for yourselves and have to constantly ask for help.”

Source : http://disabilityhorizons.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Disability-and-sex-1900x700_c.jpg
Source : http://disabilityhorizons.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Disability-and-sex-1900x700_c.jpg

The Results.

I’ll be honest I was a bit surprised by the results. Whilst I wasn’t expecting an overwhelming yes, I was however expecting a higher percentage than 18% to say no. Reason I say this is because there is a general ignorance towards disability issues whether it is deliberate or not, the ignorance certainly exists. Very few people are educated on disability issues. In many cases it is because people are just not exposed to disability so they probably think there is no need to be aware of these issues.

Anyway back to the results. I was going to offer my interpretation  then thought that would be very unfair to judge people’s responses as I do not know the reasons behind people’s votes so I won’t. I will however share a DM I received. The person who wished to remain anonymous said “People will say yes because they don’t want to seem rude. I’d say this. Dating someone/marrying someone disabled isn’t you doing something for humanity. It’s not as if you’re saving a disabled person from dying alone. If you think that, then God help you.”

What an interesting perspective that gets you thinking…So did people answer yes or maybe because answering no was too confronting? Was it rude to say no? Was it discriminating to say no? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Whether people thought about their responses or not, every answer yes, no or maybe was a valid choice.

Like with most things in life dating or marrying a person with a disability is a CHOICE.

When you date or marry a person with a disability, you are not doing them a favour, you are choosing to love that person so love them wholeheartedly regardless of what anyone thinks of your relationship.

What do you think of the results? Did any of the responses surprise you?

I would love to hear your thoughts so please leave a comment. If you want to remain anonymous please let me know so that I copy and paste your comment in the comments section without revealing your identity. Only I will see your comment before I approve it to be posted.

Thank you for reading. 🙂

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Would You Date Or Marry A Person With A Disability?”

  1. This is thought provoking and really got me thinking, I generally liked the comment; “by marrying someone with a disability you are not doing something for humanity, you are not saving someone.” This struck me because often times we assume that we are saving people and need brownie points for choices we make. I think the heart will always lead and when the right person shows up your heart will let you know, whether they are disabled or not is a non factor for me, the point is always to find someone with a great personality, who I can relate with and who I adore and who loves me back.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That comment really summed up the whole discussion for me. And that’s it whether the person has a disability or not, we don’t get any brownie points for dating them like you said. Thank you for reading.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am surprised at the 18 %. It really depends on the attitude about the disability and the willingness to make adjustments if needed; and perhaps the attraction both persons have for each other if not “love at first sight”.
    What’s kind of odd for me in this situation is , you know my son who is 25 now, has several disabilities or “ongoing crap” as he says from childhood leukemia. He trusts no one and I’ve come around to seeing his view on things. I would not want him to date anyone that is maybe thinking “disability check” or anything else since he is not able to drive. You know what I mean. Whoever, if ever someone comes into his life, I pray it is the one who is there to love him totally for who he is behind the anger. But then there are those who have disabilities that just want to be left alone to self, and I’m learning too that its not a bad “ting” as they say in the Bahamas.
    As for me, if the love is there between us, yes. That also goes for one w/o disability. I’m way too old for games and I pretty much love spending time alone w/o answering for others time.
    I think I made sense in this response. If not check me daughter!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Although I know you are referencing a physical disability, we are all suffering from one in a sense. Some are visible while others are not. My husband married me knowing that I was diagnosed with MS. I married him knowing that he also has a serious medical issue. Together we created an amazing little boy. Born with a disability, a limb difference of his left hand. We all have so deficiency! No one is perfect but there is beauty beneath the flaws and God will always send the person who is willing to deal with them all. Love the photo you posted of Nick V and his family. I did not know they were expecting again. His story inspired me when I learned that my son would be born without his left hand.😄

    Liked by 1 person

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