I haven’t blogged for more than a month now. So much has been happening. If I said life was hectic at the moment would be a gross understatement. I know everyone hates adulting but one thing I know without a shadow of doubt is this…I wish someone had warned me about adulting whilst disabled. Being an adult is generally tough but now try imagine adulting whilst disabled.
The older I get the more I realise there’s hardly any silver lining when you’re disabled, life simply gets harder. And this is not me being pessimistic, no this is reality. Reality of having to deal with societal barriers that make life difficult. Societal barriers that are created by an ableist society designed to keep you out and ensure you’re never considered at all. But somehow you’re expected to navigate your way around these barriers & not speak out lest you’re labelled as having a victim mentality. Worst of all there’s no-one you can talk to who might even slightly understand because you are surrounded by able bodied people.
How can anyone understand the agony of your own body betraying you, one day you are able to do something the next you can’t? No warning nothing. You deal with all these changes on your own. Yes I do have amazing friends I can talk to but truth of the matter is none of them can possibly understand just how hard being disabled is and it becomes increasingly frustrating trying to talk to someone who doesn’t understand what you are saying. For example the other week I desperately needed to do grocery shopping. So I went to the shops as I always do. I needed a lot of things cause I was close to empty cupboards at this point and so I bought everything I needed BUT it was all too heavy for my legs and back. That short walk from the bus stop to my house…eish I suffered and as result I really strained my back and legs. The following days after this were real. I could barely stand and experienced discomfort walking. I was supposed to go for my connect group meeting but I didn’t cause my legs hurt. A friend asked why I wasn’t present that night I told them why and all they said was “oh ok.” See where do I even begin to get someone else to understand this life my life with a disability? I can’t, I just can’t!